Fags & Hags: The Unique Bond
Boyfriends come and go; a gay best friend is for life. But why do gay guys and girls have such a unique bond? Surely it runs deeper than their shared appreciation of the male anatomy and his borrowing of her clothes for drag? Of course it does, because ultimately, they need each other…
Why he needs her:
There’s only so much gay drama we can handle. Because honey, by the time it gets to that point in the conversation where “Ricardo’s supposed to be with Brandon, but Eric caught him in the dark room with Alec, who totally shouldn’t have been there anyway because he’s smashing Jackson…” I think it’s safe to say, we all need a cocktail (damn drink?). And, while essentially the hag is a gay man trapped inside a straight woman’s body, it’s the fact that she isn’t just another gay man that makes us feel close to her. She doesn’t spend all her time in the gym, she isn’t updating her status about Ru Paul’s Drag Race and she isn’t asking you if her new Grindr pic makes her look “too bottom”. Because believe it or not, there is such a thing as ‘gay overload’.
But she’s still gay enough for midweek drinks at G-A-Y, overanalysing relationships and fashion advice. That aside, having a positive female influence in your life is never a bad thing – even the most ‘masc’ of gay men need their girly days – and girls do shopping at Harrods and chick-flicks so much better. She can be mothering when yours is far away, will stick up for you like a sister and be a beard at awkward work events.
It’s also good to know that there’s at least one of your friends that couldn’t sleep with your boyfriend… even if they wanted to. And while we’re on the topic of men, did you know that the best wing-man is actually a wing-woman? I’ve had friends try wing-man for me before, and the guy chats them up instead. *Cries into Domino’s pizza*. She can chat to him without him thinking she’s flirting, and also a wing-man, whether he’s single or not, still wants to appear attractive. The fag hag knows she ain’t getting that D no matter what, so will be by your side, singing your praises and making you look good.
On top of all this, who else is gonna surrogate your child when you finally decide you’re mature enough?
Why she needs him…
Could you imagine a girl without her gay best friend? We’d rather not. She’d probably still be two-stepping round Tiger Tiger in a fringed crop top. He’s the only one of her bitches that won’t skirt around the fact that “he’s just not that into you”, and ‘wisely’ advise you that jumping onto the next dick is the best way to get over the last one. He offers her a break from gossiping about periods or whatever it is two girls talk about together. Let’s say it: life can be so serious and the gay man is notorious for living in the now.
He keeps her relevant, because gays know what’s hot before anyone else, so yes, we need to give you the once over before you leave the house; it’s for the best; you can’t be making us look bad! Plus she absolutely relishes ditching her basic boyfriend for a messy all-nighter in Vauxhall, because when all is said and done – nobody parties like gays. It totally makes sense that just sometimes she’d much rather be surrounded by a crowd of hot, sweaty, half-naked men dancing to Rihanna remixes than having another ‘date night’ at Nandos.
But above all, she knows that because of his hardship growing up different that he’ll never judge her. He’ll celebrate her quirks because he recognises that’s what makes her, her. Finally, between all the disastrous, dead-end relationships, she appreciates having one man in her life she can rely on. Unless it coincides with a Madonna concert.